The bar graph illustrates the results of a survey that is carried out on those aged 18-30 and 45-60 and the factors affecting their work performance conducted by a personnel department at a major company. (good but where’s your main trend?)
The most striking feature is 90 (90 what? 90 percent?) of change for personal development due to those aged 45-60 as highest factor while those aged 18-30 affected by 80 of team spirit as biggest factor. (sentence structure: based on the graph, the highest factor affecting work performance is change for personal development for those aged 45-60 which is 90% while the highest factor affecting work performance those aged 18-30 is team spirit which is 80%). Despite those aged 18-30 led the 80 of team spirit as biggest factor; there still share with those aged 45-60 as well as shared 30 of work environment (something not quite right about your sentence structure here…what actually is the point that you’re trying to make here?). However, both of them have different lowest factors affecting their work performance (yes, both of them do but make comparisons), 40 of job security and respect from colleagues led by aged 45-60 and 30 of work environment led by aged 18-30.
In summary, while young adults between the ages 18-30 affected by these 10 factors, older between the ages 45-60 are still majority in total number who affected their work performance.
The bar graph indicates a survey on two different age groups on the factors affecting their work performance. These factors are divided into external and internal factors. The internal factors are team spirit, competent boss, respect from colleagues and job satisfaction. The external factors are chance for personal development, job security, promotional prospects and money.
For the internal factors, above 50% in both age groups agreed that team spirit, competent boss and job satisfaction are essential to make their working environment pleasant. Whereas on the external factors, there are contrasting results. On the chance for personal development and promotional aspects, 80% to 90% of the younger groups were in favor while only less than 50% of the older group thought so. A similar pattern is also noted on job security. With regards to money, 69% to 70% of both groups said it is essential.
In conclusion, the internal factors have similar responses from the two age groups while they had dissimilar responses on the external factors.